It’s a fact of
history and tradition that holy parents often raise pious and holy
children. The reasons behind this is that the children of holy and
devout parents often imitate the good and righteous deeds of their
parents as much as they are able. In contrast, according to numerous
saints and spiritual revelations, sinful and lustful parents
influence and affect their children by their bad life and example,
inflicting sinful thoughts, impulses and temptations upon their
children. Thus, every parent who love their children and their future
children should do their utmost to live in holiness, knowing that
every act they will ever do can have an effect on their children –
for better or for worse. Only in Hell will bad parents understand how
their deeds effected their children in a negative way, but then it is
sadly too late for them. In St. Bridget’s Revelations, it is
described how such evil parents will be damned for their sinful
lives.
The
Son of God speaks:
“Sometimes I let evil parents give birth to good children, but
more often, evil
children are born of evil parents,
since these children imitate the evil and unrighteous deeds of their
parents as much as they are able
and would imitate it even more if my patience allowed them. Such
a married couple will never see my face unless they repent.
For there is no sin so heavy or grave that penitence and repentance
does not wash it away.” (St.
Bridget’s Revelations,
Book 1, Chapter 26)
St. Francis de
Sales, in his book Introduction to the Devout Life, in the
chapter Instructions For Married Persons, gives parents
important information about how they are to raise and care for their
children:
“St.
Monica, being pregnant of the great St. Augustine, dedicated him by
frequent oblations to the Christian religion, and to the service and
glory of God, as he himself testifies, saying, that "he had
already tasted the salt of God in his mother’s womb." This is
a great lesson for Christian women, to offer up to his divine Majesty
the fruit of their wombs, even before they come into the world; for
God, who accepts the offerings of an humble and willing heart,
commonly at that time seconds the affections of mothers; witness
Samuel, St. Thomas of Aquinas, St. Andrew of Fiesola, and many
others. The mother of St. Bernard, a mother worthy of such a son, as
soon as her children were born, took them in her arms, and offered
them up to Jesus Christ; and, from that moment, she loved them with
respect as things consecrated to God and entrusted by him to her
care. This pious custom was so pleasing to God that her seven
children became afterwards eminent for sanctity. But when children
begin to have the use of reason, both their fathers and mothers ought
to take great care to imprint the fear of God in their hearts.
“The
devout queen Blanche performed this duty most fervently with regard
to St. Lewis [King St. Louis IX], her son. She often said to him, "I
would much rather, my dear child, see you die before my eyes, than
see you commit only one mortal sin." This caution remained so
deeply engraved in his soul that, as he himself related, not one day
of his life passed in which be did not remember it, and take all
possible care to observe it faithfully. Families and generations are,
in our language, called houses; and even the Hebrews called the
generations of children the building up of a house; for, in this
sense, it is said that God built houses for the midwives of Egypt.
Now, this is to show that the raising of a house, or family, consists
not in storing up a quantity of worldly possessions, but in the good
education of children in the fear of God, and in virtue, in which no
pains or labor ought to be spared; for children are the crown of
their parents. Thus, St. Monica fought with so much fervor and
constancy against the evil inclination of her son St. Augustine,
that, having followed him by sea and land, she made him more happily
the child of her tears, by the conversion of his soul, than he had
been of her blood, by the generation of his body.”
ADVICE TO
PARENTS
by Saint
Alphonsus Liguori (1696-1787)
Saint Alphonsus,
founder of the Redemptorist Order, Bishop and Doctor of the Church
expounds on the privilege and responsibilities of parenthood as a
special vocation from God. The wisdom of this holy man has guided and
fortified Catholics for over two hundred years.
The gospel tells
us, that a good plant cannot produce bad fruit, and that a bad one
cannot produce good fruit. We learn from this, that a good father
brings up good children. But, if the parents are wicked, how can the
children be virtuous? Our Lord says, in the same gospel, "Do
men gather grapes from thorns, or figs from thistles?" (Matt.
7:16). So, it is impossible, or rather very difficult, to
find children virtuous, who are brought up by immoral parents.
Fathers and mothers, be attentive to this sermon, which is of great
importance to the eternal salvation of yourselves and of your
children. Be attentive, young men and young women, who have not as
yet chosen a state in life. If you wish to marry, learn the
obligations which you contract with regard to the education of your
children, and learn also, that if you do not fulfill them, you shall
bring yourselves and all your children to damnation. I shall divide
this into two points. In the first, I shall show how important it is
to bring up children in habits of virtue; and, in the second, I shall
show with what care and diligence a parent ought to labor to bring
them up well.
A father owes two
obligations to his children; he is bound to provide for their
corporal wants, and to educate them in the habits of virtue. It is
not necessary to say anything else about the first obligation, than,
there are some fathers more cruel than the most ferocious of wild
beasts, for these squander away in eating, drinking, and pleasure,
all their property, or all the fruits of their industry, and allow
their children to die of hunger. Let us discuss education, which is
the subject of this article.
It is certain
that a child's future good or bad conduct depends on his being
brought up well or poorly. Nature itself teaches every parent to
attend to the education of his offspring. God gives children to
parents, not that they may assist the family, but that they may be
brought up in the fear of God, and be directed in the way of eternal
salvation. "We have," says Saint John Chrysostom, "a
great deposit in children, let us attend to them with great care."
Children have not been given to parents as a present, which they may
dispose of as they please, but as a trust, for which, if lost through
their negligence; they must render an account to God.
One of the great
Fathers says that on the day of judgment, parents will have to render
an account for all the sins of their children. So, he who teaches his
son to live well, shall die a happy and tranquil death. "He
that teaches his son...when he died, he was not sorrowful, neither
was he confounded before his enemies" (Eccl. 30: 3,5).
And he will save his soul by means of his children, that is, by the
virtuous education which he has given them. "She shall be
saved through childbearing" (I Tim. 2:15).
But, on the other
hand, a very uneasy and unhappy death will be the lot of those who
have labored only to increase the possessions, or to multiply the
honors of their family, or who have sought only to lead a life of
ease and pleasure, but have not watched over the morals of their
children. Saint Paul says that such parents are worse than infidels.
"But if any man have not care of his own, and especially
of those of his house, he has denied the faith, and is worse than an
infidel" (I Tim. 5:8).
Were fathers or
mothers to lead a life of piety and continual prayer, and to
communicate every day, they should be damned if they neglected the
care of their children.
If all fathers
fulfilled their duty of watching over the education of their
children, we should have but few crimes. By the bad education which
parents give to their offspring, they cause their children, says
Saint John Chrysostom, to rush into many grievous vices; and thus
they deliver them up to the hands of the executioner. So it was, in
one town, a parent, who was the cause of all the irregularities of
his children, was justly punished for his crimes with greater
severity than the children themselves. Great indeed is the misfortune
of the child that has vicious parents, who are incapable of bringing
up their children in the fear of God, and who, when they see their
children engage in dangerous friendships and in quarrels, instead of
correcting and chastising them, they take compassion on them, and
say, "What can I do? They are young; hopefully they will grow
out of it." What wicked words, what a cruel education! Do you
hope that when your children grow up, they will become saints? Listen
to what Solomon says, "A young man, according to his way,
even when he is old, he will not depart from it" (Proverbs
22:6). A young man who has contracted a habit of sin, will
not abandon it even in his old age. "His bones,"
says holy Job, "will be filled with the vices of his
youth, and they will sleep with him in the dust" (Job 20:11).
When a young person has lived in evil habits, his bones will be
filled with the vices of his youth, so that he will carry them to the
grave, and the impurities, blasphemies, and hatred to which he was
accustomed in his youth, will accompany him to the grave, and will
sleep with him after his bones are reduced to dust and ashes. It is
very easy, when they are small, to train children to habits of
virtue, but, when they have come to manhood, it is equally difficult
to correct them, if they have learned habits of vice.
Let us come to
the second point, that is, to the means of bringing up children in
the practice of virtue. I beg you, fathers and mothers, to remember
what I now say to you, from on it depends the eternal salvation of
your own souls, and of the souls of your children.
Saint Paul
teaches sufficiently, in a few words, in what the proper education of
children consists. He says that it consists in discipline and
correction. "And you, fathers, provoke not your children
to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and correction of the
Lord" (Ephes. 5:4). Discipline, which is the same as the
religious regulation of the morals of children, implies an obligation
of educating them in habits of virtue by word and example. First, by
words: a good father should often assemble his children, and instill
into them the holy fear of God. It was in this manner that Tobias
brought up his little son. The father taught him from his childhood
to fear the Lord and to fly from sin. "And from infancy he
taught him to fear God and abstain from sin" (Tobias 1:10).
The wise man says, that a well educated son is the support and
consolation of his father. "Instruct your son, and he will
refresh you, and will give delight to your soul" (Prov. 29:17).
But, as a well instructed son is the delight of his father's soul, so
an ignorant child is a source of sorrow to a father's heart, for the
ignorance of his obligations as a Christian is always accompanied
with a bad life.
It was related
that, in the year 1248, an ignorant priest was commanded, in a
certain synod, to make a discourse. He was greatly agitated by the
command and the Devil appearing to him, instructed him to say, "The
rectors of infernal darkness salute the rectors of parishes, and
thank them for their negligence in instructing the people; because
from ignorance proceeds the misconduct and the damnation of many."
The same is true
of negligent parents. In the first place, a parent ought to instruct
his children in the truths of the Faith, and particularly in the four
principle mysteries. First, that there is but One God, the Creator
and Lord of all things; secondly, that this God is a remunerator,
Who, in the next life, will reward the good with the eternal glory of
Paradise, and will punish the wicked with the everlasting torments of
Hell; thirdly, the mystery of the Most Holy Trinity, that is, that in
God there are Three Persons, Who are only One God, because They have
but One Essence; fourthly, the mystery of the Incarnation of the
Divine Word, the Son of God, and True God, Who became man in the womb
of Mary, and suffered and died for our salvation.
Should a father
or mother say, "I myself do not know these mysteries," can
such an excuse be admitted? Can one sin excuse another? If you are
ignorant of these mysteries, you are obliged to learn them, and
afterwards to teach them to your children. At least, send your
children to a worthy catechist. What a miserable thing to see so many
fathers and mothers, who are unable to instruct their children in the
most necessary truths of the Faith, and who, instead of sending their
sons and daughters to Christian doctrine, employ them in occupations
of little account, and when they are grown up, they do not know what
is meant by mortal sin, by Hell, or eternity. They do not even know
the Creed, the Our Father, or the Hail
Mary, which every Christian is bound to learn under pain
of mortal sin.
Religious parents
not only instruct their children in these things, which are the most
important, but they also teach them the acts which ought to be made
every morning after rising. They teach them first, to thank God for
having preserved their life during the night, secondly to offer to
God all their good actions which they will perform, and all the pains
which they will suffer during the day, thirdly, to implore of Jesus
Christ and Our Most Holy Mother Mary to preserve them from all sin
during the day. They teach them to make, every evening, an
examination of conscience and an act of contrition. They also teach
them to make every day, the acts of Faith, Hope and Charity, to
recite the Rosary, and to visit the Blessed Sacrament. Some good
fathers of families are careful to get a book of meditations to read,
and to have mental prayer in common for half an hour every day. This
is what the Holy Ghost exhorts you to practice. "Do you
have children? Instruct them and bow down their neck from their
childhood" (Eccl. 7:25). Endeavor to train them from
their infancy to these religious habits, and when they grow up, they
will persevere in them. Accustom them also to go to confession and
communion every week.
It is also very
useful to infuse good maxims into the infant minds of children. What
ruin is brought upon children by their father who teaches them
worldly maxims! "You must," some parents say to their
children, "seek the esteem and applause of the world. God is
merciful; He takes compassion on certain sins." How miserable
the young man is who sins in obedience to such maxims. Good parents
teach very different maxims to their children. Queen Blanche, the
mother of Saint Louis, King of France, used to say to him, "My
son, I would rather see you dead in my arms, than in the state of
sin." So then, let it be your practice also to infuse into
your children certain maxims of salvation, such as, What will it
profit us to gain the whole world, if we lose our own souls?
Everything on this earth has an end, but eternity never ends. Let
all be lost, provided God is not lost. One of these maxims well
impressed on the mind of a young person, will preserve him always in
the grace of God.
But parents are
obliged to instruct their children in the practice of virtue, not
only by words, but still more by example. If you give your children
bad example, how can you expect that they will lead good lives? When
a dissolute young man is corrected for a fault, he answers, "Why
do you censure me, when my father does worse?" "The
children will complain of an ungodly father, because for his sake
they are in reproach" (Eccl. 41:10). How is it possible
for a son to be moral and religious, when he has had the example of a
father who uttered blasphemies and obscenities, who spent the entire
day in the tavern, in games and drunkenness, who was in the habit of
frequenting houses of bad fame, and of defrauding his neighbor? Do
you expect your son to go frequently to confession, when you yourself
approach the confessional scarcely once a year?
It is related in
a fable, that a crab one day rebuked its young for walking crookedly.
They replied, "Father, let us see you walk." The father
walked before them more crookedly than they did. This is what happens
to the parent who gives bad example. Hence, he has not even courage
to correct his children for the sins which he himself commits.
According to
Saint Thomas, scandalous parents compel, in a certain manner, their
children to lead a bad life. "They are not," says
Saint Bernard, "fathers, but murderers, they kill, not the
bodies, but the souls of their children." It is useless for
parents to say: "My children have been born with bad
dispositions." This is not true, for, Seneca says, "You
err, if you think that vices are born with us; they have been
engrafted." Vices are not born with your children, but have been
communicated to them by the bad example of the parents. If you had
given good example to your sons, they would not be so vicious as they
are. So parents, frequent the Sacraments, learn from the sermons,
recite the Rosary every day, abstain from all obscene language, from
detraction, and from quarrels, and you will see that your children
follow your example. It is particularly necessary to train children
to virtue in their infancy, Bow down their neck from their
childhood, for when they have grown up, and contracted bad
habits, it will be very difficult for you to produce, by words, any
amendment in their lives.
To bring up
children in the discipline of the Lord, it is also necessary to take
away from them the occasion of doing evil. A father must forbid his
children to go out at night, or to go to a house in which their
virtue might be exposed to danger, or to keep bad company. "Cast
out," said Sarah to Abraham, "this
bondswoman and her son" (Gen. 21:10). She wished to have
Ismael, the son of Agar the bondswoman, banished from her house, that
her son Isaac might not learn his vicious habits. Bad companions are
the ruin of young persons. A father should not only remove the evil
which he witnesses, but he is also bound to inquire after the conduct
of his children, and to seek information from family and from
outsiders regarding the places which his children frequent when they
leave home, regarding their occupations and companions. A father
ought to forbid his children ever to bring into his house stolen
goods. When Tobias heard the bleating of a goat in his house, he
said, "Take care, perhaps it is stolen, go, restore it to
its owners" (Tobias 2:21).
Parents should
prohibit their children from all games, which bring destruction on
their families and on their own souls, and also dances, suggestive
entertainment, and certain dangerous conversations and parties of
pleasures. A father should remove from his house [all media and]
books of romances, which pervert young persons, and all bad books
which contain pernicious maxims, tales of obscenity, or of profane
love. [and neither should you let your children surf
the internet ungoverned or without ad
blockers or image blockers.] He should not permit his daughters
to be alone with men, whether young or old. But some will say, "But
this man tutors my daughter; he is a saint." The saints are in
Heaven, but the saints that are on earth are flesh, and by proximate
occasions, they may become devils.
Another
obligation of parents is to correct the faults of the family. "Bring
them up in the discipline and correction of the Lord." There are
fathers and mothers who witness faults in the family and remain
silent. Through fear of displeasing their children, some fathers
neglect to correct them, but if you saw your child falling into a
pool of water, and in danger of being drowned, would it not be savage
cruelty not to catch him by the hair, and save his life? "He
that spares the rod hates his son" (Prov. 13:24). If you
love your children, correct them, and while they are growing up,
chastise them, even with the rod, as often as it may be necessary.
I say, with
the rod, but not with a stick; for you must correct
them like a father, and not like a prison guard. You must be careful
not to beat them when you are in a passion, for you will then be in
danger of beating them with too much severity, and the correction
will be without fruit, for then they believe that the chastisement is
the effect of anger, and not of a desire on your part to see them
amend their lives. I have also said, that you should correct them
while they are growing up, for when they arrive at manhood, your
correction will be of little use. You must then abstain from
correcting them with the hand; otherwise, they will become more
perverse, and will lose their respect for you. What use is it to
correct children with injurious words and with imprecations? Deprive
them of some part of their meals, of certain articles of dress, or
shut them up in their room. I have said enough. Draw from this
discourse the conclusion, that he who has brought up his children
badly, will be severely punished, and that he who has trained them in
the habits of virtue, will receive a great reward.
RAISING UP A
FAMILY OF SAINTS
Saints Suffer
Though he does
not counsel marriage except for the case of need, and while he does
allow licit contraction of marriage for reasons extrinsic to the
sacrament itself, Alphonsus nonetheless is optimistic about the
ultimate end of married Christians. He finds reason to think that
saints may be made of all spouses: “God wants all of us to be
saints, and each one according to his or her state of life: the
religious as a religious, laypeople as laypeople, the priest as a
priest, the married person as married, the merchant as merchant, the
soldier as a soldier, and so on, in every other state of life.”
(Liguori, The Practice
of the Love of Jesus Christ, trans. Peter Heinegg, intro. J.
Robert Fenili, C.Ss.R. (Liguori, Mo.: Liguori, 1997), 76)
For Alphonsus,
this holiness is a life of virtue and prayer, but also a life that
nonetheless grows amidst the worldly demands of marriage. Obedience
to life’s duties themselves does not determine salvation; whether
the events and duties of life are born in virtue or vice marks the
difference between a saint’s life and a sinner’s. Chief among the
virtues and the source of holiness for all people is love, the love
of Jesus Christ given by grace and manifested by the imitation of his
life. This excerpt from a letter to Father Tannoia on January 28,
1762, summarizes his notion of the love of Jesus that brings people
to salvation:
“Bind
yourselves, then, ever more and more with love to Jesus Christ. Love
is that golden chain which attaches souls to God and binds them so
closely that it appears they are no longer able to separate
themselves from Him. Always, therefore, I pray you, make acts of love
in your meditations, Communions, in the visits to the Blessed
Sacrament, during reading, in your cells, in the refectory, in the
wood, in all places at all times. He who loves Jesus Christ from his
heart has no fear of losing Him, and is content to suffer every pain,
all contempt and all poverty for His love.” (A portion of the
letter is transcribed in D.F. Miller, Saint Alphonsus, 225-26)
Although this
letter explicitly treats the holiness of Alphonsus’ confreres, the
sufferings of “pain, all contempt and all poverty for His love”
link the passage directly to the kind of sufferings we have seen
Alphonsus describe in the married life. Recall that the wife’s lot
is more difficult than that of the religious on account of the
“throes of childbirth,” the abuses, insults, and illtreatment of
husbands and relatives, and the wants of the household (poverty) that
continual toil never seems to assuage (Liguori, “Discourse to Pious
Maidens,” 478). It seems, then, that — given recourse to the love
of Christ — spouses stand to become as great of saints as any.
We learn of
parents’ responsibilities to their children in Alphonsus’s
exposition of the fourth commandment in his Theologia Moralis,
his Istruzione al popolo, and also in a sermon composed for
the seventh Sunday after Pentecost. This sermon, “On the Education
of Children,” is preached for the Gospel of Matthew, 7:18, “A
good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can an evil tree
bring forth good fruit.” The mission of parenthood is to produce
good fruit, that is, saints. Nowhere does Liguori make this more
explicit than when he says parents, with Queen Blanche, the mother of
St. Louis, ought to teach their children this maxim: “My son, I
would rather see you dead in my arms, than in a state of sin.”
(Liguori, “Sermon 36,” 275) Fathers who neglect their children’s
souls “are not, says St. Bernard, fathers, but murderers; they
kill, not the bodies, but the souls of their children.” (Liguori,
“Sermon 36,” 276) Alphonsus notes, though, that the task of
raising Christian children depends first and foremost on the parents’
holiness (Liguori, “Sermon 36,” 269). In order to have zeal for
the souls of their children, spouses must energetically pursue the
salvation of their own souls. “But if parents be wicked, how can
the children be virtuous?” (Liguori, “Sermon 36,” 269, 275-76)
“Children are like apes; they do what they see their parents do…
scandalous parents compel, in a certain manner, their children to
lead a bad life.”
As I said above,
parents can only lead their children to Christ in as much as they
have solicitude for their own souls; at the same time, though,
responsible parenthood itself constitutes a path to sanctification
for Liguori. Liguori relies on Sirach 30:5 and 1 Timothy 2:15 for
this conclusion. “Hence, he who teaches his son to live well, shall
die a happy and tranquil death… And he shall save his soul by means
of his children; that is, by the virtuous education which he has
given them. ‘She shall be saved through child-bearing.’”
(Liguori, “Sermon 36,” 271)
Commitment to a
child’s education in virtue and faith also comes from a proper
understanding the child’s place in the family and the nature of the
parents’ relationship to the child. Spouses must know that “God
gives children to parents, not that they may assist the family, but
that they may be brought up in the fear of God, and be directed in
the way of eternal salvation.” (Liguori, “Sermon 36,” 270) “‘We
have’, says St. Chrysostom, ‘a great deposit in children; let us
attend to them with great care’ hom. ix., in I. ad Tit.
Children have not been given to parents as a present or possession,
which they may dispose of as they please, but as a trust, for which,
if lost through their negligence, they must render an account to
God.” (Liguori, “Sermon 36,” 270) What a stirring critique of
modern commodification of children in marriage, and, as we see below,
the attendant personification of pets and property. “Would to God,”
Alphonsus writes, “that certain parents paid as much attention to
their children as they do to their horses! How careful are they to
see that their horses are fed and well trained! And they take no
pains to make their children attend at catechism, hear mass, or go to
confession. ‘We take more care’, says St. Chrysostom, ‘of our
asses and horses, than of our children’ hom. x., in Matt.”
(Liguori, “Sermon 36,” 271) It seems that love of things and
animals more than children is as old a phenomenon as parenting
itself.
This is all fine,
some might say, but do parents today not already care about the
spiritual wellbeing of their children? What does Alphonsus really add
to a Christian understanding of the mission of parenthood? What
Alphonsus offers is a complete reprioritization of the tasks of
parenthood. Solicitude for the child’s salvation by growth in
virtue and knowledge of the faith holds the primary position, far
above their education in letters, sciences, and/or trade. Mothers are
to teach their children the maxim, “What will it profit us to gain
the whole world, if we lose our own souls? Everything on this Earth
has an end; but eternity never ends. Let all be lost, provided God is
not lost.” (Liguori, “Sermon 36,” 275-76) Liguori is not just
emphasizing a focus on salvation, but he is drastically prioritizing
it over other ends. “On the day of judgment,” he writes, “parents
shall have to render an account for all the sins of their children.”
(Liguori, “Sermon 36,” 271) Liguori’s approach serves to remind
modern parents that saving their child’s soul is more important
than saving for their child’s college education. In a culture where
middle-class parents spend more hours at work than at home so that
they can afford luxuries for their children, Alphonsus’ vision of
parenting as a spiritual, moral mission, rather than as primarily an
economic one, offers refreshing and liberating alternatives for
spouses bogged down by a society telling parents that what their
children have is more important then what they are and what they
become. Liguori exhorts parents to be concerned most with what God
intends their children to become “saints” and his advice for
doing so is not merely to be an eco-friendly consumer or resist
materialism by a moderate, generous life, but rather he counsels a
life of radical piety (sacrificing the supermarket and the soccer
league for the sake of Eucharistic adoration and spiritual reading).
Toward a
Livable Christian Family Life for Yesterday and Today
A true missionary
and a gentle moral theologian, Liguori does not simply lay these
demands on the shoulders of parents and then walk away; he is most
interested in giving parents real, bearable solutions to the
challenges of the moral life in conjugal life and raising children.
His suggestions for how to live the moral life proclaimed in the
gospel can be divided into three sections: 1) pious practice; 2)
propositional knowledge of the faith; and 3) growth in virtue.
First, he treats
the teaching of pious practice. For the gospel to be successfully
preached, it must be practicable. It must truly be good news, a truly
better way of life. This notion would not be lost on Alphonsus. He
does not burden spouses with impossible yokes of odious pious
practice in the realm of child-rearing, but offers simple, clear
practices that are as relevant today as in the 18th century.
Alphonsus gives families a “rule of life” drastically abridged
from the rule of the Redemptorists. He includes abridged or revised
versions of this rule in many of his spiritual books and in some
sermons. (A version of the rule appears also in Liguori, The Way
of Salvation and Perfection, 502-510; and The Christian
Virtues, 335-371, 392-402.) The rule given in the sermon on
parenting is even more abbreviated than those found in spiritual
treatises for a more general audience, which suggests a special care
that his counsel to families be approachable. The rule typically has
two parts: 1) things to be done daily, and 2) general counsels for
Christian living. The daily acts frame the day in terms of worship.
On rising, members of the family are “first, to thank God for
having preserved their life during the night; secondly, to offer to
God all the good actions which they will perform, and all the pains
which they shall suffer during the day; thirdly, to implore of Jesus
Christ and the most holy Mary to preserve them from all sin during
the day.” (Liguori, “Sermon 36,” 274. In “Rule of Life,” in
The Way of Salvation and of Perfection, vol. 2, 502-10, at
502). Liguori adds the option that a person could also recite the Our
Father, a hail Mary, the Creed, and 3 more hail Marys in honor of her
purity. At the end of the day, each person should perform an
examination of conscience and an act of contrition (Liguori, “Sermon
36,” 274. In “Rule of Life,” 505). He adds that a person might
perform the “Christian acts” at this time. At some point each
day, “good fathers of families are careful to get a book of
meditations read, and to have mental prayer in common for half an
hour every day. This is what the Holy Ghost exhorts you to practice.”
(Liguori, “Sermon 36,” 274. In “Rule of Life,” 505). Another
half-hour of spiritual reading is suggested in addition to the
half-hour of meditation. Alphonsus also provides detailed description
of how to perform these meditations (503-04).
Additionally,
“teach them [children] to make, every day, the acts of Faith, Hope,
and Charity, to recite the Rosary, and to visit the blessed
sacrament.” (Liguori, “Sermon 36,” 274). In “Rule of Life,”
Alphonsus describes in greater detail the practice of visiting the
blessed sacrament (505). Liguori also wrote a best-selling book to
aid people in visits to the blessed sacrament (Visits to the Blessed
Sacrament and our Lady). Again, Alphonsus abridges the abridged “rule
of life” here, leaving out the visits to our Lady (Liguori, “Rule
of Life,” 505). Liguori also leaves out of this double-abridged
version the advice to hear as many sermons as possible, to make a
one-day retreat once a month, and to make an 8-day retreat annually
(508). It also seems that here, unlike in the “rule of life,” the
acts of Faith, Hope, and Charity are to be made daily, while the
practice of reciting the rosary and visiting the sacrament are to be
taught but need not be made every day. [People should definitely pray
the Rosary everyday. See How
to Pray the Rosary.] Parents ought weekly to avail their children
of the sacraments of confession (beginning at 7 years old) and
communion (beginning at 10 years old) as well; they should have their
children confirmed at the age of reason (Liguori, “Sermon 36,”
274). In “Rule of Life,” 504-06, Alphonsus suggests, in
consultation with a spiritual director, hearing mass daily and
receiving communion multiple times a week. One ought to, if possible,
spend a half-hour in preparation to receive communion and a half-hour
in thanksgiving after receiving the sacrament as well. He also
suggests spending a half an hour visiting our Lady.
Parents are not
only morally obligated to teach their children authentic practices of
piety, but they must also teach and pass on to them the content of
the faith. Again, as a missionary to the abandoned rustics, typically
uneducated in the faith, Alphonsus is sensitive to parents’ own
lack of knowledge in this regard. So, once again, he makes the moral
obligation to pass on the faith an easier yoke to bear. Alphonsus
simplifies the faith down to four “mysteries” that parents should
teach their children:
“First,
that there is but one God, the Creator and Lord of all things;
secondly, that this God is a remunerator, who, in the next life,
shall reward the good with the eternal glory of Paradise, and shall
punish the wicked with the everlasting torments of Hell; thirdly, the
mystery of the most holy Trinity,—that is, that in God there are
Three Persons, who are only one God, because they have but one
essence; fourthly, the mystery of the incarnation of the Divine
Word—the Son of God, and true God, who became man in the womb of
Mary, and suffered and died for our salvation… If you are ignorant
of these mysteries, you are obliged to learn them, and afterwards to
teach them to your children.” (Liguori, “Sermon 36,” 273-74)
Parents are
responsible for the propositional knowledge that there is one God who
is of one essence but three persons, who is creator, judge, and
redeemer through his incarnate Son, who was born of a virgin and
suffered and died for our salvation. Given they have the opportunity
to learn these truths, parents are morally culpable for their
children’s ignorance of them.
Parents are not
only invested teaching piety and the articles of faith to their
children, but they “are obliged to instruct their children in the
practice of virtue, not only by words, but still more by example.”
(Liguori, “Sermon 36,” 275). The practices of piety and the
propositional knowledge of Christian mysteries are of little good
without virtue. There are two pieces to the pedagogy of virtue for
Liguori: shunning the occasion for sin, and correcting faults in the
progress of virtue. Elsewhere, Liguori states the role of the father
in governing the good of the family in general as two-fold: to rid
the home of all evil and vice, and to promote the growth of virtue in
the home. As to the first, parents must take every caution to spare
their children from occasions of sin (Liguori, “Sermon 36,” 276).
For, as Alphonsus commonly puts it, if one does not avoid voluntary
occasions of sin, how can one possibly hope to resist involuntary
occasions? (Liguori, “Rule of Life,” 507). The second is to train
children in developing the habits of virtue through discipline,
actively correcting faults (Liguori, “Sermon 36,” 277-78). This
discipline will fail if hypocritical or done in anger. It must be
gentle, reasonable, and only rarely corporal (Liguori, “Sermon 36,”
275-78). Finally, as they develop in virtue and move toward choosing
a state in life, the parents must not interfere with the choice, for
more often than not, when they do, they cannot help but seek their
own or the family’s interest. “The will of the parents is not a
sign of vocation to the priesthood, as parents induce their children
to embrace the priesthood are not looking into the good of their
children’s souls but only the interest and good of the family.”
At the same time, though, Alphonsus warns against the danger of being
drawn away from a true vocation to religious or priestly life by
parents who desire otherwise (Theologia Moralis I, 603,and II,
496).
