“Hello. I'm in real trouble. I'm in mortal sin. When I discovered
about the Great Apostasy, I began to pray the Holy Rosary every day.
But then something that never happened before began to affect me:
sacrilegious thoughts started to just pop up in my mind. I did not
want to have them, but even then they would come at any moment into
my head. It began to affect my prayers. Everytime I tried to pray,
these diabolical thoughts arose. I always had to stop the prayer to
banish the thought as fast as I could. Then I began to doubt the
effectiveness of my prayers, for hardly God, the Virgin and the
saints would attend bad, interrupted prayers such as mine, especially
with such horrible thoughts popping up in my head. One day, I was
trying to pray the Rosary, but I couldn't do it. I couldn't go with
that, not while those thoughts kept affecting me by making me feel
ashamed and interrupting the prayer.
“I stopped praying and consequently I had felt dramatically. After
some weeks, I had committed a mortal sin. Later, I had lost hope. I
was thinking, "I'm going to hell anyway, what difference will it
make to commit another venial or mortal sin?" Everything was
going from bad to worse. I realized one thing during this time: the
sacrilegious thoughts simply stopped. One day, I was reading about
the so-called "final impenitence" and how death can come at
any time. I was clearly in a state in which I could not be forgiven
of my sins, so I tried to achieve the state of grace. At the first
time I prayed again, the sacrilegious thoughts came at full strength.
I was very ashamed of myself when I tried to pray a Hail Mary. As Our
Lord said, when a demon leaves, he returns to his home with other
seven demons worse than the first. And I fell again, and currently my
heart is petrified. I can't feel contrition, not even attrition. I
try to reflect on how I offend God, on His suffering, but it's empty.
I try to reflect on Hell, but it does not scare me any more. I can't
pray, due to the sacrilegious thoughts that will certainly return. I
can't ask anyone to pray for me, because a saint would certainly
ignore a prayer for someone who is in mortal sin. It's obvious that
the petrified heart is the result of my impenitence: I got used to
sin.
“But I did not die yet, after so many sins. If I died right now, I
would go straight to Hell, and I would suffer intensely, for I denied
God even though I had such a vivid knowledge of Him. I believe that
if I am not dead yet, it's because I still have a chance of being
saved, I just need to grab it and really fight to never fall again,
because this may be my last chance.
But how do I do this?”
Jerome: Hi
Erick. Thank you for contacting me. I will try to help you to the
best of my abilities. May God’s blessing come upon you while
reading this email and give you the light and hope that you are
looking for.
If you think you
are in mortal sin, then do all things possible to be forgiven and
gain God’s friendship again. If you have a priest for confession,
confess your sins and resolve never to offend God again with the same
sin – and you will be forgiven. If you don’t have a priest, you
can confess to any layman or even to me through email in order to get
the sin out of you – and even if you can’t receive an absolution,
the confession helps so much so that the devil’s power over you
will be diminished and the friendship of God be found faster!
A holy angel spoke to the bride and said: “But what should the one
who is full of the devil do, since the good Spirit cannot enter him
who is full of evil? He should do three things: First, he should
make a pure and complete confession of his sins. Even if he cannot
directly feel a complete remorse for his sins due to his hardened
heart, still the confession will benefit him so much that the devil
ceases with his treachery and yields to the good spirit. Second,
he should be humble and wish to amend for all the sins he has
committed and do the good deeds he can, and then the devil will begin
to leave. Third, he should beseech God with humble prayer in order
that he may get the good Spirit back and have contrition for the sins
he has committed along with true divine love, since the love for God
kills the devil. This devil is so envious and full of malice that he
would rather die a hundred times than see someone do God the least
little good deed out of love.” (The Revelations of St. Bridget,
Book 1, Chapter 54)
Also pray that
the Holy Spirit may be given back to you. When a person commits a
mortal sin, the Holy Spirit leaves and the Evil Spirit approaches
instead. (By willfully committing deliberate venial sin, the Good
Spirit also diminishes in a soul and gives way to the Evil Spirit).
Also pray for the gift of tears, and try to cry for having offended
to good God by your sins – when we cry genuine tears for our sins
for the Love of God, we will feel forgiven and honest in our good
will and love towards God and that we have done a good thing (i.e.,
crying for God’s sake and for having offended Him), and
consequently, this will make us feel that we have gained back God’s
friendship. Since we must have hope in God’s goodness and of
being forgiven, it is always good to hope that we are forgiven
instead of just living in fear and despair of not being able to be
Saved. We must have peace in our souls (such as the peace found in
God’s friendship and in the thought that He wants us good and that
he desires to Save us) and if we lack this inner peace, it will be
harder for God to work with us. Find peace first and have an
intention of pleasing God in everything, and you will find God and
forgiveness. The easiest way of finding peace is simply just to
repent of the sins committed honestly along with an intention of not
committing them again.
Some recommended
prayers:
Do you want to give
up all your sins for the love and friendship of God because
you consider His friendship and love more important than your own
will and attachment to sin? If you have such a disposition of
pleasing God in everything and of pleasing Him more than yourself,
consider yourself forgiven.
If you have a
hard heart, pray for the grace of gaining a softer Heart for the
Love of God – a heart that cares more about God and the things of
God so that you will be thinking more of pleasing Him in your daily
life. Remember this: even if you don’t feel any tears or sorrow at
first, this in no way means that you are damned or that God won’t
forgive you. Some people have harder to cry and “feel” sorrow,
while others have easier. God sees your intention (i.e., if you have
an intention of pleasing Him and better yourself), and judges you
accordingly. Pray for a good death everyday and that you will die in
His grace since this is the most important grace of all; without it,
everything will be lost in the end!
Please
continue to pray the Holy Rosary and other forms of mental or
vocal prayers everyday, and do not let
the devil or your own confusion deceive you into stop praying. (See
http://www.catholic-saints.net/rosary/
for the information on How to Pray the Rosary). Without
prayer you will infallibly be lost; and
also, without spiritual reading, you might not save yourself. Prayer
is more important than reading,
but spiritual reading will help you stay focused on what to do in
your spiritual life, and through reading,
God will also be able to speak to your heart.
Pray especially those prayers that speak to your heart and good
desires, such as
Prayers to the Holy Spirit, or Jesus Crucified or
Jesus Merciful (meditating and thinking on the Passion of Jesus is
the easiest way of finding the Love of God),
or any prayer to the Holy Mother of God in order to gain Her
protection and
friendship. Those
who are genuinely devoted
to the Blessed Virgin Mary will never be lost, according to the
unanimous teaching of theologians – and
that is why we
must never stop addressing
and approach Her in our thoughts and desires. Please
read these important articles on the Love of Mary and the Importance
of Devotion to Her:
Do not let
sacrilegious thoughts affect your prayer. Provided
the thoughts are against your will and you do not agree with them and
oppose them, they will only gain you more merit for the eternal life.
Since Satan wants you to avoid approaching God in your thoughts and
stop praying/meditating, he will tempt you for a while with this
intention in mind with God’s permission. But this is only a test
and provided you move forward in your spiritual life, these thoughts
will be diminished and eventually go away. When Satan sees that he
can’t make you fall with sacrilegious thoughts, he will instead
focus on other temptations – such as sensuality, gluttony or pride.
But this might not be something you have to worry about now or that
affects you at present. But remember, when thoughts appear in your
mind that are sinful and that you don’t agree with, such thoughts
are not sinful in themselves and provided you reject them, you won’t
be held liable or accountable for them. Also, the kind of life you
live will also have an effect on the kind of thoughts you receive. If
you live a bad life (if you live in deliberate venial sin or mortal
sin) this will give the devil more power over you and hence, he will
be able to tempt you more easily. The more you strive to live a holy
life, the more will the devil’s power over you be diminished, and
consequently, the bad thoughts become less and less.
However, even holy
people and saints are not without temptations, and God often permits
the devil to tempt even saints in order that their reward and crown
in Heaven might be increased. When there is more fighting—there is
more merit to gain.
I have written about
temptations and bad thoughts previously and the reason for why they
can appear and what to do about it. Please consult the following two
articles for more help on the issue:
When bad thoughts
appear, do not stop the prayer, just ignore the bad thoughts and
put them aside gently. If you can’t put them aside gently, just try
to ignore them and continue with your prayer. If you do so, you will
gain immensely since when there is more fighting and combat in
prayer, the reward and merit will be greater. Do not stop to pray and
meditate because of bad thoughts or temptations. If you stop praying
or meditating (i.e., if you flee from prayer) you let the devil win
and you loose everything.
I remember the first
time I read the Word of God in the New Testament. Every time I read
the name of “God”, I got blasphemous thoughts in my mind. I did
not know where these thoughts came from, nor did I agree with these
thoughts, but it made me realize that something was happening. I did
not let these thoughts get the better of me (with God’s grace, of
course) and I continued to read the New Testament, and the
sacrilegious thoughts eventually disappeared. What happened?
Obviously, the devil was jealous and did not want me to continue
reading, and so he tempted me with bad thoughts with the intention
that I would perhaps stop reading or commit some sin. When people
give in to bad thoughts – such as blasphemous thoughts – they
might start to hate, and consequently they might feel a reluctance to
continue reading and hence stop. That is why people who already hate
God might not even start to read the New Testament or honestly think
about God in their mind even in the first place. Had I not fought
against my bad thoughts in the beginning of my conversion, I might
have started to hate God instead.
When one prayer
feels hard to pray, pray something else. It is better to pray
something then nothing. Just praying the Hail Mary prayer without
meditating on the mysteries of the Rosary is an immensely good and
beneficial prayer by itself. (One don’t have to pray the Rosary in
order to pray the Hail Mary prayer or the Our Father, but they can
and should be said separately often during the day). I my self often
just try to focus on the words of the Hail Mary prayer with the
intention of pleasing the Blessed Virgin as much as possible. You can
try to do the same if you have problems with praying, or if even this
is hard for you, just pray the Hail Mary prayer faster without
thinking much of the words, and you will also gain graces and help.
If it is something I have noticed with the Hail Mary prayer is that
it gives you good and holy thoughts, and also that it gives you
insights into problems and issues you might want to fix in your
spiritual or temporal life. I have not only noticed this my self, but
also seen others testify to this effect. The Hail Mary prayers thus
gives you tremendous graces, insights, good thoughts, and hope! So if
you want hope, continue praying! Without prayer, you won’t have any
hope of eternal life or of ever finding God. You might find “hope”
in creatures, like atheists do, but this hope is false, and if your
hope is not based on spiritual things, it won’t profit you anything
for eternal life.
An email testimony about the Holy
Rosary: “Due to your articles, I am now
also praying the full 15 decades of the Rosary daily, in fact I had
to reinvent my life, centering my daily routines around the Rosary.
It was difficult at first, and unnatural, but
as I persevered I started receiving incredible graces that I would
have never imagined in my life, out of nowhere. I was shocked as to
the coincidence of them as they started a few weeks after praying the
Rosary and remained ever since!
Currently I am reading your Padre
Pio's book… Thank you Brothers, for the wonderful content and
the effect it had on my life…”
Never say
or think, "I'm going to hell anyway, what
difference will it make to commit another venial or mortal sin?"
It makes a tremendous difference! For by every new mortal sin
committed, and especially if it is deliberate, a new Hell is created
for yourself, so to speak. Also consider that God should be your best
friend and hope for better things – why then offend Him more or
think thoughts such as these against Him? What if your best friend
made some offense against you, and instead of asking for pardon or
thinking good of you for this mistake or offense, thought only of
offending you more? Would this not be a strange, displeasing and
offensive behavior from this so-called friend – and would it not
make you feel sad and perhaps even justly angry with him? From this
example one can see how wrong these thoughts are that you expressed.
Please do not make your best friend sad by thinking of
how to displease Him more!
Instead of thinking
of displeasing God and sinning more against Him when one feels fallen
or lost, one should instead consider and think thoughts like these: O
my God and my Lord, even if I am damned I would still like to serve
you and give you things (works,
good deeds, charities etc.) and
do things out
of Love for you –
since you are worthy of this. Even if I am not saved and live
a bad life, I will still try not to offend you deliberately with
mortal or venial sin, and
I will try
to better my self.
I might not live the best of
life, but I
will still try
not to offend you with deliberate
sins! I might
fall or will
into sins in
the future because I am weak, but for the moment, I desire to please
you and not sin anymore. And
even should I go to Hell, I would like not to hate you there and if
possible, even to love you! – I can promise you, if
you think thoughts like this instead of thoughts on how to offend the
good God more, all your despair and bad feelings against God will
disappear – and you will feel hope and that the Good Spirit is
approaching you. If you think good thoughts about God and yourself
(i.e., hopeful thoughts), then God will think good about you and do
good to you and give you all the graces necessary for saving your
soul and feeling true joy and happiness in your life.
Also, if you feel
bad, pray for the grace to feel happy! We can pray for
anything that are not sinful or against God, but often we do not even
think of praying for things like feeling happiness when being down
etc. You can pray for anything, such as being the best friend of God
and lover of God, to feel happiness, to gain wisdom, to gain the love
of God, to gain charity and love of neighbor etc.
Please read the
following important article that deals specifically with the issue of
being forgiven one’s sins with or without priestly absolution –
and what requirements and intentions are needed for being forgiven:
It is true that
more demons will come to your soul and body provided
you continue living in a bad will and in sin against
the good God, but as fast as you change your will
from sin, and start seeing hope and goodness in God, and you honestly
consider how you will gain back God into your life, all the demons
will be removed from you through God’s grace. Being in a state of
grace is really all about intentions. What is your intention in life?
To be God’s enemy, or His friend? If you want to be God’s friend,
then God wants to be your best friend in return! Stop therefore to
dwell on bad and negative thoughts about God and think instead of how
you can be raised from the dead (mortal sin). Only if you don’t
have an intention of serving God or avoid sin, should you rightly and
justly dwell on such negative thoughts – such as that it will be
impossible to be forgiven or feel repentance – because if one don’t
want to be God’s friend or avoid sin, then one will be damned. But
even if one is fallen so low as this, one should still not give up
hope or fall into despair. As long as you wish to be saved, you
can be saved and God will never abandon you, and He will remain
with His Grace even until the last moment of your life.
If you need hope,
please go to Our Blessed Lady, the Virgin Mother
of God, Mary Most Holy. The Blessed Virgin Mary is God’s Grace
to humankind for saving their souls easily. That is why Mary is
called “Hope of the Despairing”, “Refuge of Sinners”, etc. Go
to Her often, and especially when you wish and desire to gain back
God’s friendship (or increase it when already had). One prayer from
the Mother of God will gain back God into your life and it is not
hard to gain the advocacy, friendship and love of Mary. All you have
to do is to intend never to offend God again deliberately and to
serve Him, according to your dispositions. That is all!
Please consult the
following articles below that deals specifically on this topic. Read
them all, since they will inflame your love for the Mother of God,
Our Lady, Queen and Mistress. If you Love Mary, you Love God, and it
is easier for many to love and approach Mary, since She is merciful
and sweet. God is also merciful, but He is also just and Our Judge.
But Mary is not Our Judge in this sense, and hence Her mercy and
sweetness is more manifest and clear to many, since they don’t fear
Her as they fear God.
You say you can’t
ask anyone to pray for you! That is false! You must ask other
people, and especially the Saints and the Virgin Mary, to pray for
you when you feel down and in sin! How do you think you will rise up
again otherwise after having fallen? By your own effort? Never! or
through God’s Grace through His friends? Assuredly! If we can ask
help from people on earth, then we can ask for help from our Heavenly
family even more! Never forget that! The more sinful you are,
the more help you need, and hence you should be asking all kinds of
Saints – and especially those you are more attached to – too pray
for you and help you to be Saved all the days of your life. Yes, if
you are attached to some saint, try to find prayers that are
addressed to them where you can specify requests that you want them
to ask God for on your behalf. I will give you a few examples of such
prayers from Most Holy Family Monastery:
And no, Saints do
not ignore prayers of people in mortal sin! Provided you ask for
help, however bad you are or however lost you feel, you will still
gain some help and graces. Sure, the more hope and good will you
have, the more graces you will receive. But it is not true to say
that they will ignore you. Even with the weakest faith on earth or
with no faith at all, you will still gain graces enough to save your
soul, provided you only ask for help and want to be saved! You don’t
have to ask everything from God all the time if you feel a hard time
to approach Him, you can also go to the Saints and ask for their help
– and they in turn will turn to the Blessed Virgin and beseech Her
in your place, and She in turn will approach God with your request
through the Saints. Even though all saints go to the Blessed Virgin,
it is false to think that Saints should not be approached and prayed
too also. Please start to pray the prayers from the link provided
above, and you will notice an increase in spiritual strength and hope
almost immediately. They are very powerful prayers from powerful
Saints. Start to pray them everyday, I am not kidding you how much
good they will do in your life. As for my self, they have done me
tremendous good and often I have gained back all hope and confidence
after having prayed them when feeling down or sad! Pray and you will
see, pray and you will believe! If you do not pray, you will not see,
and what is worse, you will loose even this grace (i.e., these
prayers:
http://www.mostholyfamilymonastery.com/catholicchurch/prayers-to-saints/)!
You say that if
you died now you would go to Hell but that you are not yet dead and
that there still is hope therefore for you –
and then you wonder how you can save yourself! I
will give you the answer to this question! Please follow it! It is
correct to say that as long as you are alive you can be saved. Never
forget that! If you really want to know how to save yourself, please
follow my advises on prayer, spiritual reading, and how to think
positively about God and about yourself when feeling down or fallen.
(Also see the post script below for more information on how to save
your soul and lead a better and holier life). If you do so, you will
be saved. Please also reread this email a few times if needed.
I hope this answers
your questions, and that it has given you some hope and light. Never
loose hope! If there is anything else, do not hesitate to contact me
and I will try to help you to the best of my abilities.
Sincerely,
Jerome
P.S.
If you want to be
a saint and glorify God as much as possible and become holy and
pleasing to God, first and foremost you must get a good prayer
life and do your ordinary tasks even better. That can be done easily.
Please consult the following important articles, books/audio
books/booklets on this very topic:
Please consult these
articles, they are very good and important for the advancement of
your soul.
Please see this blog
below for important posts on prayer and other important topics
concerning the salvation of our souls:
Also, please read
these heavenly revelations, since they are one of the most important
books today to read in order to break free from the world and start
to love and fear God:
Also see:
1. The Great
Apostasy and a counterfeit Church predicted in the New Testament and
in Catholic Prophecy:
Also see these
articles that deals more in depth with the Vatican II apostasy and
the apostate antipope Francis:
An Antipope Francis
video can be downloaded for free:
Also, one of the
most important things you can read on our website is the following
section:
But the whole
article is good and should be read:
I hope you look into
the material,
Thanks, and God
bless.
